An Ode to Sleep (Dr. Seuss- Style)


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I am mom
Mom not calm.
For sleep long gone.

That not-calm-mom!
That not-calm-mom!
No one likes cranky, sleep-deprived-mom!

Would you sleep here or there?

Yes, I would sleep here or there.
Right now I’d sleep anywhere!

Would you sleep standing up?
Would you sleep as you weep into your coffee cup?
Would you sleep on the loo?
Or will sleeplessness cause insanity to ensue?

I would sleep standing up.
I would sleep as I weep into my coffee cup.
I would sleep while having a poo.
What else is a sleep-deprived mom to do?

Could you? Would you?
In your car?

I could! I would! In my car.
But can’t while my boobs are an open bar.
Friggin’ sleep. So near yet so far.
I find comfort in my Nutella jar.

Decaf coffee, I laugh in your face .
You call yourself coffee? You’re such a disgrace.
Only the strongest coffee will do,
In copious amounts, to see the night through.

Look at how soundly my husband rests.
It’s so unfair that he doesn’t have breasts.
While I’m up feeding all through the night,
He’s snoring away, the little shite.

I’m tired of puke; I’m tired of poo.
I want to sleep like my husband, too.

Sleep, you’ve deserted me in my hour of need.
For my husband’s own safety, he’d best take heed.
My mood is like a ticking bomb.
For my days of sleeping are long gone.

I cannot, should not, will not stay calm,
For I am a cranky, sleep-deprived mom.

I’m a twin mommy who will make you feel better about your parenting skills. Sign up for e-mail updates at the bottom of this page if you want to follow my journey into insanity. You can also follow me on Facebook.


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