What is it about motherhood that has me wanting to break out in song to Alanis Morrisette’s “Ironic?” Lately I notice ironies everywhere.
– I’ve never felt so lonely before, yet I’m never alone (not even when I go to the toilet!).
– The days are long, but the months fly by.
– As a breastfeeding mom I shouldn’t drink alcohol, yet I need it the most.
– I created life, but I have no life!
– I can’t wait for the babies to grow up, then I cry when they do.
– I dream about time alone, but when I finally get it I spend it missing my babies.
– I spent hours researching and preparing for the babies but abandoned it all in favour of my maternal instincts.
– Parents get no sleep, but we need it the most.
– Meanwhile, babies can sleep to their hearts’ content but won’t.
– I spent my life trying not to become my mother. And then I became her.
– I clean like I’ve never cleaned before yet my house is the messiest it’s ever been.
– Sex- the very thing that created my babies- resulted in me never wanting it ever again!
– Mothers all share similar struggles, yet we judge each other the most.
– I spent years trying to stop biting my nails when all it would have taken was one diaper change!
– I spend hours trying to get the babies to sleep so I can sleep, but when they finally do I stay up and watch them.
– Parking spaces for pregnant women and families with young children were always available before I had kids, but now they’re always occupied.
– Just as babies start naturally sleeping through the night they start teething and you’re back to square one.
– I’m disgusted by farts and poos, but when my baby does it I couldn’t be more proud!
– I swore I’d never be that mom that posts a million photos of my babies on Facebook… until I became that mom.
– I thought I’d have so much free time on maternity leave, but I’ve never had less time in my life.
– I never get visitors when the house is actually clean, but they always show up when the house is a mess.
– Our dog is well-behaved all day, but barks as soon as the babies fall asleep.
– I couldn’t wait to move out of my parents’ home when I was a teenager, but then begged them to live with me when the twins were born!
– I celebrated when I could finally bring out my pre-pregnancy clothes again while simultaneously crying as I packed away the clothes the twins had outgrown.
– We’re so obsessed with our babies reaching their milestones on time, then cry when we realise how grown up they’ve become.
– I went away on a trip without my twins for a few days. I was so excited that I could finally get some sleep. Except I didn’t because my boobs got so engorged that I had to keep waking up to pump.
– My boobs are finally big but I’ve never felt less attractive!
– I’ve never been more miserable- or more happy- in my life.
“And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think
A little too ironic…and, yeah, I really do think…”