10 Things Parenthood Has Taught Me…

  1. ​It’s possible to destroy an entire room with a single teething biscuit.
  2. A 20 minute poo is a luxury.
  3. Reading a book to your kid that you haven’t already read ten million times makes you feel like you’ve won the lottery.
  4. Being a mom is all about reheating your cup of coffee over and over and never actually drinking it.
  5. As soon as you find something that your toddler will actually eat, they’ll suddenly hate it the minute you’ve stocked up the fridge with it. And then you have to eat it all. 
  6. Touching bodily fluids of every kind is suddenly no big deal anymore.
  7. Leaving your husband to deal with a shitty diaper while you run off to work is the most satisfying feeling ever!
  8. When your baby cries for no reason whatsoever, it’s very tempting to join in.
  9. Being a mom is mostly just wondering whether you turned on the dishwasher before you went to work, realizing you didn’t, and then eating your soup out the baby’s shape sorter bucket.
  10. When you have a toddler, nothing is more terrifying than silence! (Either that, or you know you’ve forgotten to turn on the baby monitor.)
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