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Diary of a Sleep-Deprived Mom (Part 1)

8:12 p.m. – My husband and I have been rocking the twins for over an hour. We’ve done the whole bedtime routine thing like all the books say. SO WHY WON’T THEY SLEEP?

8:45 p.m. – Who needs gym when you can just rock your baby? My arms are about to fall off and I’m sweating like a kid on his way to Neverland Ranch.

9:12 p.m. – We’ve finally figured out their rocking preferences. Caitlyn likes figure eight movements in time to “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” Meanwhile, Scarlett likes the foxtrot with huge roller coaster-like dips.

9:24 p.m.- Why does Josh keep doing the waltz instead of the foxtrot? Can’t he get anything right? She’ll never sleep at this rate.

10 p.m. – I’m tired of singing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” I think I’ll try another song.

10:03 p.m. – Holy crap, Caitlyn has quite the pair of lungs on her. “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” it is, then.

10:22 p.m. – If I sing one more verse of this song I will go insane.

10:32 p.m. – Discovered that inserting swear words into the song helps.

10:48 p.m. – Woo hoo! The twins are finally asleep.

11:18 p.m. – Just realised it’s been four hours since their last feed. With our luck, they’ll wake up hungry any minute now.

11:21 p.m. – I knew it! FML.

11:45 p.m. – They’re done eating. Now to try rocking them to sleep again.

12:55 a.m. – Screw it. We’ll just drive them around until they fall asleep.

1:58 a.m. – Been driving for an hour now. Feel a sudden urge to weep.

2:15 a.m. – They’re finally asleep! We can start heading home.

2:23 a.m. – Darn it. Why didn’t we take the highway home? They keep waking up and crying every time we stop at the traffic lights.

2:43 a.m.- Resorted to driving really slowly every time we approach a red light so we don’t have to stop.

3:02 a.m. – They’re sleeping again. Will just drive around for another fifteen minutes to make sure they get into a deep sleep.

3.17 a.m. – Their breathing is regular and their limbs are limp. Think we’re finally safe.

3:22 a.m. – Little brats. Immediately woke up as soon as we pulled into the driveway.

I’m a twin mommy who will make you feel better about your parenting skills. Sign up for e-mail updates at the bottom of this page if you want to follow my journey into insanity. You can also follow me on Facebook.

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